Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
