Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So many bounce houses so little time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
