Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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