THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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