I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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