I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
