He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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