So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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