Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just had sex on a roof
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
