Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize