bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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