The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
