do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
