So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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