GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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