imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
