it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am naked and annoyed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
