It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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