I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
