He uses pillows to masturbate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize