When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who died my cat blue again?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
