I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
