I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
