BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
