Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
