I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
