I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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