my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
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