how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
