So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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