Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
