i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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