1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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