I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
