i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
