maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
