The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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