I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
