saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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