Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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