its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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