Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize