It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize