The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
