I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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