trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize