Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
