Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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