Umm I'm too high to move.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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