Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
