After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
