you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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