There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
