I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
