She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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