Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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