I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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