I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
