so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
