Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
