I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
accomplished twins. life is a go
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
