So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
