some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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