I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
