Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
