Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize