She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You ruined the universe
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
