i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
someone owes me an orgasm
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
