Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
