Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
